I AWAKENED IN THE MIDDLE OF A MID-SUMMER NIGHTS DREAM. ACTUALLY, I AWAKENED WITH 3 DREAMS PLAYING IN UNISON IN MY BRAIN. AS I STUMBLED CAREFULLY THROUGH THE DARK TO FIND MY THRONE. (the porcelain one) , I SAT IN THE DARKNESS CONTEMPLATING THE DREAMS, I WAS AMAZED BY THE HIGH PITCHED WHALE SONG COMING FROM THE BAY. I KNOW THAT WHALES AT TIMES DO ENTER OUR BAY BUT I HAVE NEVER HEARD THE SINGING OF WHALES HERE IN OUR BAY. THEN I HAD A DISAPPOINTING REALIZATION ! THERE WERE NO WHALES. IT WAS ONLY ME SINGING ON MY “PORCELAIN THRONE”. NO DOUBT…. SOMETHING I ATE ?
ALAS, THE DREAM PLAYED ON……..
I AGAIN AWAKEND TO FIND MY SELF AT A GARDEN PARTY ! IT SEEMED THAT EVERYONE WAS THERE BUT I DID NOT KNOW ANYONE. IT WAS A LOVELY PARTY. I COULD TELL BY THE GARDEN THAT THIS WAS ENGLAND. MANY OF THE GUESTS WERE “little people”. I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN INTIMIDATED BY ” little people”. I have always sensed a superior psychic ability from “little people” and especially at Musso Franks. I digress. So a gentleman informs me that I am to be presented to the Queen. I was stunned ! I informed the gentleman that “EUROPEAN ROYALTY” during the Daze of Future Past had a proclivity of ” giving away” little people as gifts to other European Royalty !! I made it perfectly clear to the gentleman that nobody is going to “gift me” away as a PRESENT! So now this “gentleman” informs me that I was confused !! I rebutted that I have been confused for a very long time but one thing has nothing to do with the other ! Furthermore…. I informed him that when it comes to confusion… I AM A TRAINED PROFESSIONAL !! Now he responds to me with , ” Quite so… however…just please come with me. So I did. I figured I would just play along. After all… it was JUST A DREAM ! I was introduced to HRH. She looked just like real queen. But how would I know ? I did not know what to do or say.. So I gave a polite bow and complimented her on her beautiful crown. She responded that yes it is beautiful , but at times a “bit” heavy and often difficult to hold her head up. I responded that we all have burdens. My burden is never finding my keys and her burden is enduring the weight of the Crown to a 1000 year old Monarchy and trying to keep millions of subjects happy. Then two kind gentleman kindly showed me to the exit and were polite enough to call a big yellow taxi and they even paid my taxi cab fare ! As they rudely escorted me into the taxi as I sang them a short whale song. As I drove away I made it perfectly clear that I had been thrown out of bigger and better parties !!
SO NOW I AM DRIVING DOWN THIS ROAD IN THE BACK OF THIS TAXI AND I REALISE THAT NOBODY IS DRIVING. THE TAXI DRIVER IS SITTING ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE CAR !! I ASKED WHY HE WAS SITTING ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE CAR ? HE ANSWERED…. REASON. #1 THAT IS WHERE THE STEERING WHEEL IS LOCATED and #2 REASON IS THAT WE ALWAYS NEED TO KEEP OUR SWORD ARM FREE ! (clear as mud..RIGHT ? and it’s my dream!) I WAS CONFUSED AND I MADE THE DRIVER LET ME OUT OF THE TAXI AND HE DROPPED ME OFF ON ABBEY ROAD WHERE HE ALMOST HIT 4 VAGRANTS IN A CROSSWALK ! NOW I AM WALKING THROUGH LONDON “in the dark” TRYING TO AVOID WEREWOLVES. I ONLY SAW ONE. BUT…HIS HAIR WAS PERFECT !!!! ALL I HAD WAS A $ 20.00 BILL. NO PASSPORT AND I CAN’T REMEMBER THE NAME OF MY HOTEL. I SEE THE DAWN JUST STARTING TO BREAK. I SAID TO MYSELF, “HERE COMES THE SUN”. THEN , THIS OLD POOR BUSKER APPEARS AND ASKS IF I MIGHT HAVE SOME CHANGE. I PULLED OUT MY WALLET AND I ONLY HAD THE ONE TWENTY DOLLAR BILL. THE GUY TAKES MY $ 20.00 BILL AND VANISHES IN THE AIR !! OK, SO NOW I AM REALLY UPSET !! THIS HAS TO BE THE WORST DREAM EVER!!! I FINALLY GOT BACK FROM MY DREAM THIS MORNING. NO MORE GARDEN PARTIES! I JUST WROTE “ENGLAND” DOWN ON A PIECE OF PAPER AND DREW A LINE THROUGH IT ! I AM NEVER GOING BACK TO BONNIE OLD ENGLAND ! A MAN CAN ONLY TOLERATE SO MUCH !!
IMAGINE THAT ! SAIL ON ! SWEET DREAMS TO YOU !