I HAVE NOT POSTED FOR A LITTLE WHILE BECAUSE THE LOCAL GENDARMES HAVE THIS STRANGE RULE ABOUT NOT USING PHONES OR COMPUTERS WHILE INCARCERATED. IT ALL STARTED OUT WHEN WE GOT AN INVITATION BY A LOCAL FRENCH COUPLE TO ATTEND A COSTUME PARTY . HARMLESS ENOUGH .. RIGHT? I WANTED TO DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT AND NOT THE SAME OLD MARIE ANTOINETTE COSTUME, SO I HAD WHAT I THOUGHT WAS A GREAT IDEA! SO I MADE THIS WIDE SASH AND PRINTED VENEZUELA ON IT WITH THEIR FLAG COLORS. I BOUGHT A POTATO AND CUT A HOLE IN IT AND PUT IT ON MY WANGER WITH A LITTLE SUPER GLUE AND PRESTO ! I BECAME A VENEZUELAN DICK-TATER !! WELL, SHARON THOUGHT IT WAS A STUPID IDEA BUT SHE IS VERY TOLERANT OF MY STUPID IDEAS. SO WE GET TO THE PARTY AND THERE ARE ABOUT 10 CARS THERE. SHARON SUDDENLY DID NOT FEEL WELL AND NEEDED TO REMAIN IN THE CAR UNTIL SHE FELT “BETTER”. SO I KNOCK ON THE DOOR AND THE LADY OF THE HOUSE IS THERE. MY FRENCH IS NOT THAT GREAT AND IT WAS A CHRISTENING FOR THEIR BABY AND NOT A COSTUME PARTY. I TRIED TO EXPLAIN THE MISUNDERSTANDING AND THAT SHARON WAS IN OUR CAR. MUCH TO MY DISMAY, SHARON WAS GONE !! POSSIBLY KIDNAPPED BY RENEGADE TAHITIANS! SO, I EXPLAINED THE MISUNDERSTANDING TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITY AND THAT IS WHEN THINGS REALLY WENT BAD! A COUPLE OF THE FRENCH GUYS WERE ATTACKING ME. (it’s ok, they don’t hit that hard). But then a French woman hits me in the head with a stale baguette and knocks me down and knocks me out ! I wake up and this Priest is performing an EXORCISM on me by throwing water in my face and cussing me out in Latin! Then I have a epiphany on 2 different levels…. # 1- This party sucks! #2- I have to take a leak! So when the Gendarmes get there and I explain the circumstances, they were very understanding and even gave me a free ride to their station, a free room for a few days and food ! Sharon surfaced the next day according to the Gendarmes. She was last spotted at our local airport. She must have been called away but forgot her phone because I have tried to reach her multiple times but to no avail. I know by now you must be wondering about the potato……… So now I am in counseling for people that have had the same type of “costume party” experience as I did. The Gendarmes helped me to fill out the paperwork for my release while awaiting trial. There are 13 people in our group and it is very therapeutic. I am now back home and doing OK. Between the counseling, medication and alcohol I am confident that I am on the road to recovery. However, don’t try this at home, I am a trained professional. The moral of this story ? THE WORLD DOES NOT NEED ANY MORE……………DICK TATERS !!

marc